The ‘Memo’ finally arrived, ‘Okay guys, Ma Nature has given the word, GO!

It’s a funny thing, but it seems spring is the only time of the year when you can discuss things like sex, and such, without folks thinking you odd. It is spring, and have no doubts, Ma Nature is in control.

When Mother Nature decides to do things, things just get done. There ain’t no subcommittee hearings or long speeches, slithery amendments or uncompromising compromises. There is no slight of hands diplomacy of ‘now you see it now you don’t’ tactics, or strategies like; I don’t want to give you what you want, I want to get what I want, but I will act like I am going to compromise and say I’m going to give you what you want, but have the wordsmiths renamed it in a way so it sounds like what you want, but in reality it is what I want.

Naw… ol’ Ma Nature doesn’t work that way. She doesn’t play games. She just does it. I love that kind of executive decision making…I miss seeing people operating who really know their stuff; folks who can focus their energy on the tasks at hand.

Heck, if spring was the charge of modern humans, we would still be stuck in the second week of October debating what color the leaves on the red maple should be…duh, they should be red!

What seems like several lifetimes ago I was a kind of a corporate executive. I know, nowadays that’s like admitting you are some kind of a serial killer or something, but that was a different time, existing within a different set of freedoms-most everybody who worked then were blessed. It was a time of glory, challenge and accomplishment. They were the golden days; there was opportunity if you were clever, ambitious and didn’t mind working your butt off. It seemed like forever ingenuity and creativity would blossom, ‘…Like the Flowers of Spring, Tra-La-La’ (for you Gilbert and Sullivan fans).

Back then, if you were successful, folks assumed you were doing something right. Now, I guess the trend of thinking is, if you are successful, you must be doing something wrong.

In the 90’s everything was humming on the international business scene and I learned real quick, and admired how Japanese businesses operated on a different model than that of the west.

It was when Sony was as innovative as Apple is today. The saying about the difference of style was: the Japanese took a long time to make a decision, but once they made a decision, implementation was very rapid. Contrarily, American businesses liked to make quick decisions, and then took a long time to implement. Ma Nature reminded me of the old Japanese business model: Think well about what you want to do, and then, get it done!

It doesn’t really matter anymore, since the two countries have blended into a homogenous mode of operation, along with most of the rest of the world: Take a long time to make a decision, and then make sure not to get much done. China may be one of the few exceptions.

The Chinese seem to be like Ma Nature in that they know how to make efficient decisions, and they know how to efficiently turn thought into action.

I guess…9u7r4q165ts76all (sorry, my cat just walked across my keyboard)-TAKE TWO: (sans cat) …I guess China, for years, watched and learned from afar and has now perfected the process of making decisions that are creative and innovative-Ma Nature would much approve.

The human spirit yearns to know that things are indeed working. I guess that is one of the roles of faith… knowing things are working even though we don’t understand how they work. In this time of the year, Ma Nature helps restore and recharge these energies of faith…things really do work.

I always figured God pretty much manages every detail in the cosmos. But I learned differently. It seems that a few million years ago He realized that spring was just too complicated to do by himself and needed to delegate some of the day-to-day operations. The overwhelming details and number of assignments taxed his omnipresent talents so much that Evil used it to try to make a slip under His radar. He understood the nature of spring, being so hectic, and occurring in such a short period of time, that he needed to hire a full time Spring Manager.

The job search was long, looking for someone who could bring humanity and humility to the season while still having a dang efficient knack of getting the right things done on schedule and within a budget. He was looking for someone who had the blend of skills and aptitudes of; Mother Theresa, George Washington, Julius Caesar, Mr. Spock and Carmen Miranda (look it up). After interviewing several million qualified applicants he contracted Ma Nature for the duration- thus Ma Nature, CEO of Spring.

Though not listed in her formal job description, Ma Nature basically directs two departments, operating from many offices throughout the globe: Department of Growth and Department of Sex.

Either one would challenge even the most industrious mind but Ma is well up to the challenges. She could not do it without some help from the programmed design unique in every living thing. For GROWTH she implemented a somewhat automated growth cycle for each species. It took millions of years to perfect all of the sequencing of details that come into play but it works pretty well, even though she still tweaks it a little each year. Someone once told me that for a growth sequence of a Titmouse (a bird, for city folk) it takes the equivalent of about six billion lines of computer code to hatch each bird up until that baby bird can fly on its own.

Ma’s management for the critters is greatly more streamlined than special procedures for the human animal’s growth patterns. Humans have infinitely more growth issues than any other critter.

For instance; when a male human is between the age of 5 and 17, there is a ‘Stupidity Bubble’ that automatically kicks in and protectively surrounds them all the time. This enables the human, adolescent male to be fairly invincible from harming themselves in their youthful exploits; potentially mortal things they often do while in the acts of those crazy stunts which their body tells them to do and their mind responds, “duh, sure, why not”.

These are things done that when men get older they have no way of explaining how they survived; like jumping out of trees into murky, snake infested creeks, running through the woods during thunderstorms, surfing in hurricanes, or experimenting with the likes of cherry bombs, toxic chemicals, explosives and other miscellaneous incinerary materials. Automotive chicanery alone could balance the global population explosion were it not for this natural bubble defense.

Unfortunately the design is not infallible- I don’t know why. We all knew someone whose bubble broke in the process of such adolescent experimentations… and they never got a chance at life, or ever to reminisce about their childhood exploits- we all knew someone along youth’s rocky path who didn’t make it. But it never sunk in enough to modify our youthful adventures. We were ever yet emboldened, looking for new ways to prove we were invincible.

Such a defense mechanism for human males disappears after around age seventeen, or at least it is supposed to. I am not sure of any such natural defenses that girls have the equivalent of other than just the recordings of their mother’s voice in their heads; which seemed to work pretty well-too well sometimes.

Ma Nature has a similar automated sequencing for animals’ sexual behavior in the spring as well. For this she has an even more efficient design compared to that of Growth. The fairest estimate I have heard, for the length of an average behavioral sequencing, might be the same size as a food store grocery list. She just has got it down to the basics.

Ma Nature takes particular pride in her managing of this behavior. It took her awhile, and it wasn’t until she realized that sex was not about the art and science of sex, it was just about the science of sex. Once any attempt to be artful was abandoned, the whole process became easy to program and highly efficient.

She got it right, as the sexual processes of critters are always initiated by the female of the species. What could be more efficient than that? The male’s singular behavior must simply comply with that of the old Boy Scout Code. And when the female is ready, watch out, she is really ready! There are no ambiguities or playfulness involved- no subtle games of being romantically coy- it’s just the act, Jack.

This design works well for all of the hundreds of billions of animals here on planet Earth, with one single exception-the only animal known to science that can use the internet-the human animal. For biological purists, I guess there is the Spotted, Lizard Toad living in the Amazon jungle, which could be considered another exception, but that is entirely different.

Human animals follow a totally different approach to this activity, and efficiency is the furthest objective in mind.

Now, Ma Nature’s job allows her to make ‘modifications’ to any animals in both growth and sex designs without getting any formal approval. She’ll send Him a ‘courtesy memo’ just to CYA, but rarely does He intervene. The only exception is the human animal species.

God likes to keep tabs on each modification of this specie because He understands they are such fragile creatures. I have heard that He has his own endangered species list and humans are on the top of this list. In fact, humans are the only animal on His list!

I know the story that long ago there was such a heated debate between Ma and the Man, that Ma Nature stormed out of the conference room swearing that she wanted nothing further to do with managing humans. She was so adamant that it was finally decided that every animal would report to her on these matters with the exception of humans.

God has this great sense of humor, or at least exercises a point of view where He likes to see how the human animal reacts to the concept of irony. I guess He figures it toughens us up. There is always important lessons that you can only learn by traveling through the ‘mind-fields’ of irony.

To this day, God is still looking for a candidate for that position of Manager of Human Sexual Behavior–as of yet the post has not been filled.

Whereas Ma Nature’s hire culled through millions of applicants, there has yet to be a single application received for this human department, even though the position has been posted for about a million years.

The only nonofficial candidate that was ever mentioned for the position was Pa Nature, but he wisely declined.

Can you imagine Pa Nature running this show?