Groucho Marx had a way of telling things the way they were. The audience always expected a less than gracious assessment of the human predicament-they usually got it. Yet most often he was all too painfully accurate. It wasn't a rarity when Groucho referred to fathers as schmucks and/or schlemiels. He had his reasons.

In one song he used to sing on stage, written by his friend Harry Ruby, he depicts a lighter side of his convictions, albeit just as haunting.

Today, Father, it's Father's Day

And we're giving you a tie

It's not much we know

It's just our way of showing you

We think you're a regular guy

You say that it was nice of us, to bother

But it really was a pleasure to fuss

For according to our mother

You are our father

And that's good enough for us

And that's good enough for us

A mother is a mother for life. A father's goal is to teach hard lessons of self-sufficiency, and then cut them loose to see just how well they can survive alone. Yet, always to be there in the shadows when they fall-like Bambi's father perhaps. I don't think Bambi ever gave his dad a Father's Day card.

I can see it now. Many years ago the greeting card executives had this meeting in some swanky hotel in the Catskills. The purpose is to discuss how to increase card sales.

In this long-ago meeting, a presentation is being given by a recent graduate from some Ivy-league college. The meeting room is thick with cigar smoke. The presentation begins... On the first card is one word-GUILT. All of the executives nod approvingly as they take another sip of their Chateau Chatellet. The young greeting-card-executive-to-be continues with each sign card identifying different groups of folks for whom holidays could be created by politicians in order to sell more greeting cards.

Each new group is well received until the last sign- FATHER'S DAY. Most of the executives present are really not sure that people would buy some sappy card for any father. They lived in a time when fathers were to be feared, mothers to be revered. But, of course those executives were wrong, and the young presenter was right-thus Father's Day.

They say if you want to really know the conscience of a culture, look at their advertising. How do advertisers treat fathers? Most often they are depicted as overweight, stubborn and backwards in their embracement of innovations and modern lifestyles-they are often the problem rather than the solution. It is usually the mothers or the children who must solve problems in today's families. And no wonder, as a growing number of families exist in fatherless households.

I ain't no Harry Ruby, but I recently wrote a song about a boy growing up in today's world, which may somewhat apply. It is called WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED.

When I was a young, an anxious son

Too many stupid things I'd done

My folks asked, So, what have you learned?'

I learned not to lie and not to steal

Learned a dad's hard-love is real

Found the secret of life in self respect

That hard-earned money's not lightly spent

I learned to learn from each mistake

Move forward with every step you take

If you love yourself you know the Golden rule

If you think you're smart you'll play the fool

I tell my two boys if you forget to give your mother a Mother's Day card you might experience some hard guilt for awhile.

For Father's Day, I tell them to save their cash. The Greeting card companies don't need any more of their hard-earned money. I only ask my boys to be good men and good fathers.

It is the only legacy any father can ever wish for. That is the greatest Father's Day present of all!